Blog

As she grew older

With those tiny little hands she learned how to say HI!

With those small faintish feet she learned how to walk with pride,

With those chuckles and giggles she knew she could get it all,

With her family around she never had any fear of fall,

With those endless kisses, those warm hugs throughout it all,

She learned all is good and that people to each other shall never maul,

In that comfort, the little baby begin to crawl,

With was that first duplicity, the baby learned it all,

That world is not all good and somethings have to fall,

With time that little girl grew a little more,

She knew that she wasn’t a baby anymore,

She could love and hate and do whatever she wants,

If you hate, your heart grows darker by every passing day,

And if you do well, people would tease and make you go astray,

But the price that comes with good one always has to pay,

For doing good, takes courage to keep the dark at bay,

Oh how she learned to grow strong and to never lose hope,

She fought the demons that were within and that were furthest to her,

With all the running hiding and screaming of a girl,

The baby grew beautifully as people said she were

She was a lighthouse a bright starlight for the weakest of souls,

She was a woman of strength a lady whirl.

 

Advertisements

Gliding through Time

img_20161016_1
giving up doesn’t work.

As I grew older and discovered the world more, the reality became more blurry each passing event, what is life people asked me and I stood blank, I had a lot to contribute to that thought yet I had no one phrase to describe what life was to me, I sat there breaking all those events down trying to deduce out of them that one phrase, that one single sentence, to describe Life, my senses go numb. Is life in the good that happened or the worst things that fill my past years… what is life to me… I wondered….

Was it when my sister took her last breath in my arms, when her eyes turned white, and her lips turned blue and her body cold as ice, was that life?? Silently looking at me, waiting for a reaction, waiting for that question… waiting for that WHY?? That never slipped through my lips, I sat blank and my body numb… People asked me how do you smile, how do you even manage to feel happy after that, does it not hurt you that she is dead? Were you not attached to her? Was she ill? Were you expecting her death? And that one question that people asked each other rather than me or my family members; did she kill herself? I wished for the ground to turn soft and it could just suck me in so I wouldn’t have to answer anyone again, because I told them a million times already and it still hurts like hell… please stop asking I would say to myself, please it hurts… Life was there still… waiting for that one reaction that never appeared on the day my world turned grey…  so life was; being patient when your world is breaking into pieces and you can never mend it again.

 

img_20161016_3
Psychology Majors

An year after she passed away I was enrolled in the same university as she was, attended the same courses, was taught by her teachers who looked at me trying to see her in my skin, by her classmates who once laughed and cried with her, the same people who were once associated closely to her, same classroom, same faces,  it was so painful that I couldn’t absorb the pain, so I cried, I cried day and night, but I didn’t run away, I saw life there too, smiling at me waiting for that WHY again… But I stood strong. For my family, for my friends, but most of all for my Big Sister. Her life for me was; being strong when you’re at your weakest. 

img_20161016_2
when my world turned dark your smile was the only thing that kept me going…

I have many beautiful phases too… The time when I first felt attracted towards someone, and then having him be The One for me, that feeling of being loved, and being able to brighten His world just as much as he brightens mine, that need for belonging fulfilled, that charm all around you, that feeling of having the same guy you loved since childhood becoming something more than a classmate, more than a friend, and then more than Life itself, so there Life was; loving someone with the purity of your heart and being able to be loved back.

 

Trying to work hard doing things I never did before, learning new ways to make my family proud, and then get appreciated by everyone on the things I did well, I was lucky to hear good remarks on the food I made, the work I did and the time I spent with friends and family listening to their problems and trying help as much as I can and not giving up on them when they gave up on hope, there life was; not quitting, or losing hope when the road was long.

Life is both Weak and Strong, High and Low, Good and Bad, categorizing it as purely negative will do no good to anyone, negative emotions give rise to more negative ones, be positive, it will make life simpler an easier, as it has made mine with passing time.

 

Life is not fair, but it’s not fair to all of us, which makes life pretty much fair, don’t you think??…

Thankful or not?

Should you ever come across someone so full of life, sit with them and ask their story of life, in that story you will learn how they have constantly tried, to strive for a better future to make a better life out of what was thrown at them, in our comfy sofas we look up at the blog posts and the ted talks and the inspirational videos, the question here comes what are you really doing with your life, life is not in the comfort of your home neither in the peaceful sleep that you have every night knowing that tomorrow you will wake up to a morning tea by your mother and a warm delicious breakfast, how hard do you make your life sound?? when you take a proper meal every day, have a comfortable conveyance, good people to talk to and most importantly a healthy sane mind, which we are not that grateful about, I have hardly heard anyone being thankful to ALLAH about having a fully functioning healthy brain.

A few years back I met and old man he told me I thank ALLAH every single day for blessing me with a healthy brain, that I don’t have to depend upon any drug to keep me gravitated to the grounds of normal, that I can achieve whatever I want and be proud of myself.

I say your life is easy if you have that with you, that sanity, you can reach to any level of success that you desire just by working hard, there are people who don’t even have that to start with, the fight constantly just to maintain their sanity for a little while, they are thankful for that little time they get to be normal, what about us?

 

Have we ever thought about this?

 

Have you??

 

Have you ever searched your mind, what if all this that we perceive and all this that we feel isn’t there, if our reality was maladjusted and that we would be told numerous times that it’s not how things are and that we need to take up innumerable medicines to get our brain to function just the same as  the everyone else, like many of the ones who don’t even know this is a blessing, a supreme blessing where we can reach our true potential and not worry about a thing in the world and be happy and be at peace.

If that’s not be thankful about I don’t know what is…

 

What is life? Another difficult set questions, to get the answers one must dive deep into the ocean of insanity…

Pieces of My Soul

I am standing there with a smile on my face, blushing cheeks, and wind in my hair,
I am standing still with a faint heartbeat, with a lonely soul who’s crying deep…

(Original words)

I am strong, I am stronger than I look she said, I am the strongest of me that has ever existed but the weakest of me that will ever exit in the future, I stand strong… people come people go, no one no matter how many promises they make can stay longer than they are destined to stay, she said while tearing the grass out from the ground in her palms, looking towards the dying light of the sunset,

It’s not fair that we get attached to the wrong ones, but how do we know they are not right for us, Julia you must not trust anyone from now onward no one is capable of loving you, you are too difficult, looking at the ground tears rolling out her eyes, droplets being absorbed in the sand she keeps looking down…

After a while…

She gets up dry’s her eyes, rubs her cheek and starts walking,
I will not let anyone in, no one I tell you, but I can’t let the old ones out I just can’t, they mean so much to me, I am going to lock this door forever, no one comes in no one goes out, no more expectations no more feeling hurt, everything will be just fine…
She stares at the ceiling thinking about her childhood, her teenage years, her adolescence, I have never in my life found any one individual whom I could share my thoughts with whom I could trust and sleep easy at nights, I am not asking for many just one, only one…. Why has everyone broken my trust, why do people choose rigidity and arrogance when you can experience love and gratitude, why be so conceded when you can actually be open with all your heart, why choose negative over all the refreshing ways, why always hurt the one who cares the most, why be cruel to the one who actually got your back…

Weeping covers her face with her arm, her eyes burning, face getting warmer, unable to breathe…

Why do you have to hurt me she says, why does he not understand I am sacrificing my soul for him, why can’t he see that everyone already contributes to the disturbing thoughts and talks, why does he have to be so blind towards me, why???…
Cries heavily and for hours,
and falls asleep… 

Every night is the same pain, every night she buries all those painful thoughts and memories within herself, every single night with a wet pillow and a cracking sound of her soul, she cries her heart out to that empty room, those dull walls, and that forever stagnant ceiling which she anxiously looks, are the only ones to see how she breaks into a million pieces…
yet there is no sound…

Every night she glues all the pieces of her soul tightly together so she may break once again in the hands of the people she truly trusts, and loves so dearly…

Once again to break like a china doll, to soothe the eyes she must always fall,
With the heart of gold you will always shine, said someone who enjoys my very fall…

                                                                                                                                   (Original words)

I give you, LIFE…

Are you as blind as you think you are?

“People complaint about things they are in control of, things that can be changed if they only wanted them too, things that shouldn’t be made fuss about but maybe they enjoy the drama that comes with it, so they better leave it the way it is…”

This is what generally people think when they see someone in pain or talking about what hurt them, it might not be what they say but what they feel after the second or third time they see the an individual experiencing something negative from the same person…
To be honest I have seen people die more, thinking about how people react to their feelings than what actually hurt them in the first place, this idea that one needs attention and for that everyone in their own personal space generate a drama cycle so they may feel visible to the ones they love, is not as true as many people think it is, some would prefer to be left alone when they experience pain, some would want only a few  people to interact with them, others would want only their lover to be with them,

People are different and they have their own ways, they like being who they are only if we let each other be that way, excepting that individuals may have problems that are not the similar to yours, learning that we grow by letting people in and we are stagnant if we don’t interact and be open about our feelings towards others, learn to have patience the other might be trying his hardest to be there for, but also learn to be nice enough to yourself that you not let anyone make you feel petty, maintain your ground and don’t be harsh to others.

I have seen the younger generation use terms like these  “Life Is Full Of Sh*T” “Life Su*Ks” commonly over posts and their normal daily conversations now a days, over insignificant things,or when they think something is not going as they expect it to be they say “This Is Life”… So young, free of responsibilities so naive,  how can you label life in one dimension, claiming everything negative that happens is  life , too inexperience to say that first of all and no one is ever at any age wise enough to claim that life is just that, life is beautiful in all of its shades, every single one of them… it is beautiful irrespective of what anyone thinks about it…


“Every individual represents a unity of personality and the individual then fashions that unity. The individual is thus both the picture and the artist. Therefore if one can change one’s concept of self, they can change the picture being painted.”
-Alfred Adler

Life is the beauty in the birth of a child, life is the peace in bond of two lovers, life is the unconditional love between the mother and her child, life is the security by a father for his family, life is this, right here right now… this is life, don’t categorize it don’t categorize
people let them be, let yourself be what you want to be, let go of the worldly desires and you shall be free of all the things that hold you down, be content in what you have, be gracious and helpful towards others see the good in them the same way you want others to see in yourself.

38838123-life-wallpapers

Be kind and have courage…

Cat-sane

 

There are millions and millions of people in the world who are cat lovers, but not necessarily all of them as I call it are Cat-sane, by this, I mean, having complete

img_20161016_225128
“Cats and women will do as they please..”         -Robert A. Heinlein

knowledge about their cats, every cat is different from the other, yet they share a few mutual characteristics. Generally we like them because they are furry, please the eyes, extremely adorable, are of a certain color we like and as  few ladies here and there claimed, we like them because “cats are a sign of feminism.”

 

Cats are very intelligent animals, not to forget extremely arrogant, when you own a cat, the cat owns you and will act as a member rather than a pet, cats are medium friendly and very moody animals, they`ll snuggle, they`ll play, they`ll respond to you only when they want to, some of the times they`ll even put a question mark on your existence, pretty hurtful right? But that’s how they are, and that’s the reason why many owners love them so much, unbroken and unbent and pretty darn cute.

 

 

They enjoy pampering as much any millionaire brat does, and can get used to of all the expensive treats you bring for them without any adjustment issues, if they like how you treat them they will purr when you hold them, or would sit near you, sleep where you are working, they will become even softer and lighter when you hold them, they won’t resist at all… The opposite is expected if they don’t like you, I remember Angelo(my first cat) responding to me alone no matter how hard anyone squeezed her or how angry my siblings made her she just won’t make a sound unless she wanted too, a stubborn feline, but she was the apple of my eye. I experienced that with almost all of my long list of cats that I grew up with, sadly many departed due to old age, and we welcomed many new generations as well.

 

Like all animals they mark their territory, they rub their bodies against their owners legs to mark their scent, so if any other cat would come close they`ll know this person owns another cat, they generally smell your legs and feet to know where you have been if you go

img_20161016_225051
“Cats are connoisseurs of comfort.”                            -James Herriot

out. They also use it as a mean to invite other cats for mating. They enjoy sleeping on smelly clothes, and would sit on anything they see you using or working with, not to forget if you keep things stacked up in corners or shelves where they can reach they will make a few of those places their usual spots and one of them their headquarters, you find them there almost all the time when you can’t find them anywhere else. Anything they sit on is theirs, so they practically take over everything you own, slowly and gradually.

 

I would conclude by saying no matter what reason makes you fancy them, be it their furry coats, their round beautiful-full of life eyes, their adorable paws, their playful acts, or any other positive motive, always keep in mind that they are all filled with genuine emotions and can sense emotions and react accordingly, with love and a pinch of arrogance. Feed them right and be generous while showing your affection, all they require is your time and attention.

 

I believe cats to be spirits come to earth. A cat, I am sure, could walk on a cloud without coming through.
-Jules Verne