I am standing there with a smile on my face, blushing cheeks, and wind in my hair,
I am standing still with a faint heartbeat, with a lonely soul who’s crying deep…(Original words)
I am strong, I am stronger than I look she said, I am the strongest of me that has ever existed but the weakest of me that will ever exit in the future, I stand strong… people come people go, no one no matter how many promises they make can stay longer than they are destined to stay, she said while tearing the grass out from the ground in her palms, looking towards the dying light of the sunset,
It’s not fair that we get attached to the wrong ones, but how do we know they are not right for us, Julia you must not trust anyone from now onward no one is capable of loving you, you are too difficult, looking at the ground tears rolling out her eyes, droplets being absorbed in the sand she keeps looking down…
After a while…
She gets up dry’s her eyes, rubs her cheek and starts walking,
I will not let anyone in, no one I tell you, but I can’t let the old ones out I just can’t, they mean so much to me, I am going to lock this door forever, no one comes in no one goes out, no more expectations no more feeling hurt, everything will be just fine…
She stares at the ceiling thinking about her childhood, her teenage years, her adolescence, I have never in my life found any one individual whom I could share my thoughts with whom I could trust and sleep easy at nights, I am not asking for many just one, only one…. Why has everyone broken my trust, why do people choose rigidity and arrogance when you can experience love and gratitude, why be so conceded when you can actually be open with all your heart, why choose negative over all the refreshing ways, why always hurt the one who cares the most, why be cruel to the one who actually got your back…
Weeping covers her face with her arm, her eyes burning, face getting warmer, unable to breathe…
Why do you have to hurt me she says, why does he not understand I am sacrificing my soul for him, why can’t he see that everyone already contributes to the disturbing thoughts and talks, why does he have to be so blind towards me, why???…
Cries heavily and for hours,
and falls asleep…
Every night is the same pain, every night she buries all those painful thoughts and memories within herself, every single night with a wet pillow and a cracking sound of her soul, she cries her heart out to that empty room, those dull walls, and that forever stagnant ceiling which she anxiously looks, are the only ones to see how she breaks into a million pieces…
yet there is no sound…
Every night she glues all the pieces of her soul tightly together so she may break once again in the hands of the people she truly trusts, and loves so dearly…
Once again to break like a china doll, to soothe the eyes she must always fall,
With the heart of gold you will always shine, said someone who enjoys my very fall…(Original words)
Cattelya 